Single parent families; there's much that is negative to read on the topic. They say the stresses get too much for the single parent and pretty soon it filters down to the kids. The kids begin to develop negative traits and the most one can expect is that they will turn to crime or become delinquent in some way. While this may be true for some families, in my experience, it is far from true for others. I have known many single mothers who have produced productive members of society. And I have known some whose kids ended up being not so productive. However, this I believe was the result of neglect rather than of an absent parent.
The life of a single parent is difficult and sometimes downright scary, I should know, I am one of them. After two failed marriages and a failed relationship I am a single parent to my son who is four months old and a daughter who is 18. I raised my daughter on my own with no assistance from her father from when she was 12 years old. I had gone back to school as a mature student and having obtained a degree and a good paying job just before the divorce came through were blessings that came in the nick of time. The relationship had broken down until I felt I didn't recognize him any more and so I wanted nothing other than a clean break and to get on with my life. My daughter chose to live with me. She is at college now and our bond has never been stronger. My son was the result of a brief relationship, one that was abusive. The contraceptive had failed and when it came time to make the decision, I decided to keep my son and rid myself of the jerk. He would have been a terrible father and I felt that I owed my son much more than that.
There is a term being used now for mothers who 'choose' to go it alone. They say we are "single mothers by choice". Perhaps those women who choose artificial insemination and those who opt for adoption, can be said to have made the 'choice' to parent alone and they all have my respect but those women like myself who have found themselves in abusive or broken down relationships and have had to leave in order to preserve themselves and their kids, I somehow can't see that as much of a choice. It is like standing on the edge of a cliff with deep water beneath and someone pointing a gun to your head and says, 'jump or I'll shoot'. You jump knowing it is all you can do. You jump and hope for the best.
I believe being a mother/parent means keeping your kids safe and happy but you also have to remember to take care of yourself. This is easier said than done when you are working the hours to make ends meet, commuting every day for miles upon end and still need to find the time to spend with your kids. But with some planning and a bit of help from a few good friends, it can be done.
Sometimes the pressures can get to you. We are only human. Many times I have felt like giving up, I still do from time to time. There are times when I doubt myself and feel like a failure, when I feel petrified about my responsibilities and feel as if I have no more energy or will power to go on but it is at these times that my daughter says she thinks I am an awesome Mom and that she loves me. It's times like these when I look at my son and he smiles back at me with his toothy grin. These are the moments that make it all worthwhile. They are the moments that keep me sane.
